Aggressive Negotiations

Tate strolled down the aisle of Hogwarts as though it were just another day on the beach, hands in his pockets, and whistling a lively tune. He hardly noticed that Jude walked beside him, or paid any attention as to which direction the other boy thought they should go. If Tate knew the Outlaws, they would be attracted to the unusual sound of the whistling and investigate. Even if they thought it was that poltergeist Peeves making the racket, he was fairly certain they'd investigate anyways. Last Tate had heard, the gang and the poltergeist had quite a cordial relationship.

Jude was sure they looked incredibly conspicuous, for it was very clear that this was an odd pairing. Jude strove to be everything that wad elegant and gentlemanly. His outfit cost more than a blood traitor's home; his annual haircut was the price of a week's worth of food. And he held himself in a manner that matched this. But Tate was so... casual. It was outright barbaric. But Jude just had to deal with that he supposed.

Kard was running as fast her legs could carry her. She had a galleon taped over one ear and knut taped over the other. COD had enchanted them both so that they worked like headphones. The dragon on the galleon opened its mouth and sang Jackal Queenston.

"Raatid, take it, raatid fiah..." Kard sang along under her breath as she ran.

When the goat on the knut opened its mouth, it spoke with OTB's voice. "That charm is running low. You're not going to make it through."

"I'm going to make it." insisted Kard, "And tell COD I want a ravestep remix of this on the next galleon."

"Listen to me, K, you got two meters of wall ahead of you and only half a meter of charm left. Last I checked, you could math pretty good, right?" said OTB, "So how does that math stack up?"

Kard was on the run from the library. Mozambin had been clever. He had worked out a charm that would allow her to pass through walls. The charm had no time limit, but would only allow her to pass through a limited number of objects before the spell was used up. Using Moze's charm, Kard had managed to slip into the Forbidden Section of the library by passing through several walls, and now she had to escape with her prize. That meant running through more walls, which was where she was now--running inside a wall with the charm about to expire.

"Okay, fine." said Kard, "Where do I go?"

"Duck right, right now!" said OTB.

Kard ducked to her right and found herself in a narrow space between one wall and another. It looked like some kind of duct or maintenance passage. It was a very usual space, and Kard was surprised it existed. Maybe it had been walled up and forgotten about? She couldn't be sure, and right at that moment, it wasn't a pressing concern. "Okay, now what?"

"Follow the corridor." said OTB, "And hurry! You're not alone in there."

"WHAT?! What do you mean I'm not alone in here?"

"Just hurry!"

Kard did as she was told, running down the narrow passage as it twisted and turned between walls, filled with plumbing and a bizarre assortment of other things that had no place being there, "Where the hell am I going, Broad? How do I reach the rally point from here?"

"We're establishing a new rally point," said OTB, "Falco is going to move to meet you."

"Raatid Fiah!"

"What?"

"Singing." said Kard, "Shut up, you're interrupting my music."

OTB just laughed. After a few more moments had passed, she said, "You're coming up on the wall. No margin on this one, K, so don't screw this up. Jump through. You're going to come out high on the far side, so be prepared to fall and roll."

"Roger that!"

The shaft came to an abrupt end and Kard dove through it head first. Broad hadn't been kidding when she said Kard would come out high; she was nearly a story off the ground when she came out, but she managed to stick the landing. Kard touched down on her palms, using them to guide her fall so that she rolled across her back and came out of the roll on her feet, still running. There was a column immediately in front of her, and she would have crashed into it face first if Falco hadn't caught her.

"Do you have her, Falk?" asked OTB through the coin taped over Falco's ear.

"THAT WAS FUCKIN' SICK!" Kard exclaimed enthusiastically.

"I'll take that for a yes." said OTB.

"She's fine." said Falco.

"Fine? Fine?!" said Wild Kard, picking herself up, "I'm better than fine! I'm goddamn EPIC over here!"

"Did you get Moze's book?" asked Falco.

"Right here!" said Kard, patting her pants pocket.

"I thought it was six volumes long. How did you fit it in there?"

"The same way the TARDIS has bedrooms and bunk beds," Kard replied, "Hell if I know! What does he need these for, anyway?"

Falco shrugged, "Something about fingernails. You know Moze, it's always something."

Kard look back at the wall she had just come through and shook her head, "I'm never gunna look at going to the library the same again! By the way, do you have any idea how heavy...." but she cut herself off mid-sentence, pulling the galleon off of her ear and cocking her head to one side, "What's that?"

Falco furrowed his brow pensively. "Sounds like someone whistling."

"Sounds like Tate whistling." Kard corrected, "I wonder what's he doing out here."

"You know him?" Falco asked.

"Not real well," said Kard, "but he's usually a bro."

"That's a high compliment coming from you, K." Falco smirked, "Don't let me catch you blushing."

"Jealous, huh?" Kard poked him in the ribs.

"And if I was?"

"Nah," Kard rolled her eyes, "Tate ain't my type."

"And yet he's a bro?"

"Pfft! You want an explanation?"

"Sure."

"Hell if I know. There, there's your explanation."

"Fair enough." Falco shook his head, "Should we find out what he's up to?"

"Prob'ly." nodded Wild Kard.

"Broad," Falco started, "we're going to -"

"I heard." said OTB, "Don't take too long, though. Get those books back here asap."

"YES MA'AM!" said Falco and Kard in unison.

The two Outlaws slipped out of the little corridor that Kard had shot out of the wall into. They were about to emerge in the sunlight when they saw who Tate was walking with and immediately ducked back into the shadows again.

"Was that....?"

"I think it was." Kard nodded.

"That was Jude Fernsby." Falco said.

"Jude Fernsby," said Kard, "is not a bro."

"C'mon," Falco waved Kard forward, "let's follow them, but keep out of sight for now. You know those two columns up there?"

"The ones just before the bend?"

"Yes, those." Falco continued, "Let's get on the far side of those and wait for them to walk between them."

"We'll give them a little hello, Outlaw style, when they get up there." grinned Kard.

"And here I was thinking Tate was a bro."

"Well," said Kard, "he's whistling with Jude Fernsby. He just lost himself some bro points. If you saw the stuff written about Jude on the walls in the ladies' room, you'd know what I mean."

"Are they anything like the things that are written about him on the walls in the men's room?"

"Wait," Kard blinked at him, "seriously?"

Falco grinned, "Maybe, but you'll never know."

Kard raised her eyebrow, "Is that so? That sounds like a challenge, if you ask me."

"They're getting away," Falco hissed, "let's go!"

Kard was about to leave the corridor to follow Tate and Jude, but Falco thought twice and pulled her back by the sleeve. "When we get up there, we should give them a hello Puff style. Alright?"

"But!"

"They haven't done anything to earn Outlaw style treatment yet. We keep it cool until they give us a reason to go in hot."

"Yeah, yeah." Kard grumped, "Fine, we'll do it your way."

Kard and Falco slipped out of the corridor and fell into the shadows or behind obstacles, managing to remain invisible and silent to their newly acquired targets. Jude seemed extremely uncomfortable with Tate, and the pair of them appeared to be walking aimlessly. It was a terrible--frankly, unimaginable--match, and neither Falco nor Kard were willing to believe that Tate and Jude were walking together voluntarily.
It was all very suspicious, and the more it looked like bait, the more Falco and Kard felt like being baited. The Outlaws both quietly got on either side of the pair, then moved up past them and around to the backs of the columns. There, they waited, casually leaning back against the stone as if it were the most natural place in the world for them to be.

Kard glanced at Falco. They both grinned, listening to the footsteps approaching. They had neither been seen nor heard. This was going to be classic, Kard thought to herself.

"Beautiful day, isn't it, Judesby?" Tate commented as he walked ever closer to the columns housing two of the Outlaws. His next step brought his right foot between the two columns.

((XD Not sure what else to write, other than he is still walking between the columns....))

Jude rolled his eyes. He found it droll how Tate, like the rest, was twisted and absurd, and yet his mask of normalcy seemed far more contrived than his. At least Jude was sort of normal. Still, it would not be wise to bicker now, so he said, "Absolutely stunning, chap."

Judesby! Kard thought to herself, having to bite her own finger to stop herself from laughing aloud, Why didn't I think of Judesby?! That's amazing! She glanced at the foot between the columns and then up at Falco, who grinned and winked at her.

Tate stepped forward between the columns, seeing trouble out of the corner of his eye, but knew he had very little time to react should the Outlaws decide to pull one of their twisted pranks on him.

"Oh, dear...." he thought simply to himself.

"Well, well, well!" said Falco, "Look at that, Kard! It's some of Hogwarts' finest: Tate Walker and Jude Fernsby. Don't they make an adorable couple?"

"Extremely shippable!" snarked Wild Kard, "I'm not sure if the ladies are going to be happy or sad to learn that lovable little Jude isn't on the market anymore. I can say for certain, though, that they make a pussy-throbbing pair together."

"Well then," said Falco, "congratulations are in order for the happy couple. Tell me, Fersnby, how did Walker ask you? Have you set a date, yet? When do you plan to tell your adoring fans the good news?"

"Tate," asked Kard, "what was it that drew you to Jude? Was it that worthless, shit-eating grin that gets plastered on his face when he can't admit he's a screw-up? Was it his egotistical self-righteousness? Or was it those macho airs he puts on to compensate for the fact that he has neither size nor stamina in bed?"

((and here I thought they were gonna prank 'em or something. XD ))

"Oh hey, guys!" Tate cried out jovially with a cheerful wave.

He flung one arm around Jude's shoulder, squeezing the boy in close to him, and clapping him roughly about the chest with his other hand in what would seem in an affectionate manner to the untrained eye.

"So you've noticed! I haven't quite gotten around to making the announcement yet, but yes! After months of groveling and pleading at my feet, I finally gave ol' Judesby the 'yes' he was so desperately seeking from me! Y'know me, I just go googly for those egotistical shit-eating macho types who can put a person in their place."

Tate released Jude, turning to stand directly across from him, staring him up and down.

"I think we balance each other out well," he finally stated after a few moments of scrutiny.

Tate twirled in a quick about-face to acknowledge the outlaws once again. Though his manner was light-hearted and seemed foolish, Tate's jaw was set, and his eyes were darkened with no light of humor shining in them.

Jude went completely rigid, totally displeased and unamused by the little joke bouncing between his companion and the Outlaws. He had been raised too strictly pureblood. Such jokes were inappropriate and uncalled for. It simply was not funny to him.

"Let. Me. Go." he commanded through gritted teeth.

"Oooo!" Kard winced, as if a car accident had taken place right in front of her, "If that isn't just like ol' Jude. You start to show affection, and he pulls away. You offer him commitment, he says let me go."

"Hey Jude," said Falco earnestly, "don't make it bad."

"Yeah," said Kard, "take a sad song, and make it better."

"Remember to let Tate into your heart." Falco pursued.

"Then you can start to make it better." added Kard.

Falco gave Fernsby a sympathetic look, "Hey, Jude."

Kard set her hand Fernsby's arm, squeezing gently as if she were trying to comfort him, "Don't be afraid."

"You were made to go out and get Walker." Falco reassured him.

"The minute you let Walker under your skin..." said Kard.

"...then you begin to make it better." Falco concluded with a wink, then turned to Tate and thrust out his hand, introducing himself as if none of that had taken place, "Well! So I'm called Falco, and you already know Wild Kard apparently. She tells me that you are a 'bro,' Mr. Walker."

Kard, who had already let go of Jude's arm, gave Tate a crooked smile and a mock salute, "I figure he can probably shred, yeah. And if not, he's still pretty fuckin tight."

"If she tells me someone is 'pretty fuckin tight'--one of her charming Americanism; then they're good as gold in my book." said Falco, "I'm always in the mood to do a bro a favor, then, so tell me, what awful sorts of things would you like the Outlaws to do to little Jude there for breaking your heart? If I remember my history correctly, I believe it was the right honorable Headmaster Malfoy who very nearly learned back during his school days that a gut full of slugs is always a good way to tell that special someone how you feel. I promise you, my wand doesn't backfire, so there won't be any very-nearlies in this case. What ever you'd have done to him, it will be done thoroughly and completely."

"Hey, Jude for well you know that he's a fool who plays it cool by making his world a little colder," Tate replied with a sardonic smile, "so he feels the pain enough by bringing it upon himself, he doesn't need us to add weight to that heavy burden of the world on his shoulders. I love Jude to much to want anything done to him. No...I have a favor of a different ilk to request of you, should you deem it interesting enough to accept."

Jude swore, once they became useless to him, and he became one of the Dark Lord's favorites, he'd kill both Tate and every single Outlaw. They were all much to pleased with themselves.

"Just get to the point," he glowered, hissing to Tate.

((I enjoyed those for the record. XD Jude didn't))

"Oh, all right then!" Tate groaned, throwing his head back over-dramatically.

"We're here to extend an offer on behalf of Scorpius Malfoy," Tate explained, "He'll pay you a most handsome sum, should you assist us with a prank involving one Lily Potter."

Both Kard and Falco glanced at one another before speaking.

"A prank on Lily Potter.... Interesting." said Kard, though she was now anything but interested.

Falco seemed to grow distant for a moment. "A 'sum.'" he repeated.

"I'm going to read between the lines here," said Kard, "and say that what we will here-after simply call 'the prank' actually refers to capturing Lily Potter for nefarious purposes. That 'the prank' in this case is actually quite nasty and not very prank-like at all."

"Not that that is a problem, necessarily," said Falco, "but not being clear with us about your intentions could be."

"It might depend on how nasty and unprank-link 'the prank' actually is." Kard said.

"Which means, in case you have trouble reading between the lines, dear Jude," translated Falco, "that the sum may depend upon what 'the prank' is."

"It would affect the amount and nature of the sum." added Kard.

"This could really be quite costly." said Falco.

"But then quality doesn't come cheap, huh?" Kard raised her eyebrow.

"And then of course there are other things to consider." said Falco.

"It might not be our price that matters," Kard said, "so much as the competitive nature of our business."

"Correct." said Falco, "Yours may not be the only offer we are compelled to consider."

"I hope you took all of this into account," Kard added, "when you were putting together your plans for 'the prank.' You should be prepared to negotiate."

"And quite aggressively, because we are." Falco said.

"Which is something that you should read into carefully," pursued Kard, "because neither you nor we are in a position to say 'no.'"

"Especially you." said Falco, "You are no longer in a position in which you may refuse our price."

"They could refuse." Kard looked at Falco, "They could always refuse. The question becomes what happens to them after they refuse?"

"I think we are..." began Falco.

"...ejaculating prematurely," Kard finished his sentence for him, "just like Jude."

"Erhmm.... okay, yes. We are jumping the gun. We are ejaculating prematurely, just like Jude," Falco consented, "Maybe we should ease up on them a bit. Give them a bit of breathing room."

"Yes," said Kard, "I think you're right. Maybe they haven't thought this through. Maybe they'd like to reconsider."

"Then a grace period is in order." said Falco, "Think about what 'the prank' is worth to the Good Headmaster. Make quite certain that you are committed to this course of action. And know that if you proceed with these negotiations, you are prepared to pay our price without the option to pull out."

"Not that I'm too worried about them pulling out," said Kard to Falco, "since Jude isn't Catholic."

"He may not be Catholic," Falco replied, "but he could still be unwise. He should know better than to engage in intercourse unless he is prepared to accept the full consequences. We want to avoid any misconception about what he is attempting to conceive."

"Ah," said Kard, "and if the things written on walls of the lady's room are true, Jude is not the sort to accept the consequences of his actions."

"And there will most certainly be consequences." Falco said.

"Yes. Fortunately for us, though, the Outlaws have a great deal of experience with this sort of intercourse." said Kard, "I may have been Jude's first time, but he certainly wasn't mine."

"Sometimes a first-timer can handle himself well." Falco replied.

"Jude was not that kind of first-timer," said Kard, "but I wouldn't want to embarrass him in front of the better man." She set her hand on Falco's shoulder pointedly.

"Does he have size?" asked Falco.

Kard shook her head.

"Stamina, then?"

Again, Kard shook her head.

"That certainly is troubling! In negotiations like these, you must have one or the other. Otherwise one would have to assume that Jude can't live up to his promises and follow-through on the obligations he agrees to." Falco said, "Still, I'm not willing to write off a lost cause just because he seems to be such an obvious lost cause. Sometimes things are not as useless as they seem. Jude must have some appealing qualities, after all?"

Kard considered Jude's appealing qualities. "He has one."

"And what is that?"

"He now has Tate for a better half."

"Ah, well then, Tate," Falco said, "I hope you will decide wisely for your impotent friend just how much 'the prank' is worth to you."

Kard watched Tate, wondering if he would realize that Falco was trying to give him more than just the opportunity to back out from "the prank." That he was really offering Tate a way to distance himself from people like Jude and the Malfoys. Kard wouldn't deny that her opinion of Tate was falling now that he was mixed up in whatever the Malfoys had cooking against a girl like Lily Potter, but she also wouldn't deny that he was likable. She knew Falco well enough to recognize from the way he was interacting with Tate, that he liked him, too. She didn't trust him very much, though she would have liked to. It occurred to her, as it had to Falco, that Tate would make a good Outlaw if he would lose some of what Kard saw as the wizarding equivalent of Neo-Nazis tendencies.

You're better than this, dude. she thought to herself, Quit being a fuckin fascist and act like a bro!

"Don't give us your answer now." concluded Falco, speaking to Tate and ignoring Jude as if the young Mr. Fernsby were naught but a fart in the wind, "The Outlaws will meet you in an hour under the stands on the south side of the Quidditch Pitch. If you are not there in one hour, we will assume you have used your grace period to call off 'the prank.' Consider carefully. Perhaps we will see you in an hour."

"And I should mention," added Kard as final note, "that should we discover that you have pranked Lily and left us out of the fun, we would be extremely offended."

"Oh yes," nodded Falco, "extremely. Not that Tate would consider that an option, in any case."

"Nope," said Kard, "he's a bro."

"But he is also Jude's better half."

"Right." said Kard, "And Jude is not a bro."

"Well, in an hour, then." smiled Falco, "Shall we, Kard?"

"After you," smiled Kard, "Good to see you, Tate."

"Congratulations to the happy couple." said Falco.

Tate did not miss the insinuations Kard and Falco were throwing his way. They did not like that he was with Jude, and they would give him an opportunity to work against the Inquisitional Squad...should he choose. Apparently Falco and Kard did not know him as well as they thought....and Tate liked it that way. Just as sure as the Outlaws believed he could be lured from Malfoy's side, the Malfoy brat thought him capable of being swayed. That was good. It kept people guessing...and Tate was one who never wanted to be predictable.

He could use this, but it required a discussion with Scorpius first.

"Pranking Lily without your help would be nigh but impossible," Tate assured them, stuffing his hands in his pockets, "We'll be meeting you at the Quidditch pitch in an hour then."

Tate gripped Jude firmly by the elbow.

"Let's go," he ordered Jude in a low voice.

Jude was very, very irritable now. He was not listening to a thing that came out of their mouths now, but his wand hand was twitching out of control now. When Tate grabbed his elbow and suggest they leave, Jude was happy too. He shot a furtive look to the Outlaws and stalked away.

((I suppose we're going back to report to Scorpius then? This thread or IS thread?))

((The Outlaws will need to report to Puff, which I guess will happen in this thread and we should finish up the negotiations here, too. So maybe it should all just be contained in this thread? Dunno....))